| Hey nerds. As always, I am on the internet avoiding reading my handouts for my Italy classes (not to be confused with Italian classes) that start on Monday (nice break... NOT!). Any whoo, to make a long story short, I'm going to Italy like, on TUESDAY. That means in two days (approxemently now actually) I'll be boarding a plane to go thousands of miles away to an extremely badass place I've never been before. Dude, I haven't even registered for my frequent flier miles (I suck) and I haven't called my bank (shit!) and other things. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH the point is (and there is always a point) that after a semester of BUSTING MY ASS I'm going to fucking Italy, and damn it, I think I deserve it. But I'm still nervous. Liz |
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| Sami got married today.
I feel so different, I wonder how she feels.
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| I try to pace my breathing so I know where I am. Everything overcomes me. The insanity is unreal. I can't find my focus. I can't find my strength. Everything I know and feel runs from me. I don't know who I am. I don't know what I am. I don't know anything more then right here and right now on this sofa trying to despartly put two and two together. The room is spinning, and I wish I could escape. I don't even know how to think anymore.
I don't know how to feel.
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| Today I am trying to be grown up enough not to let other peoples delusions effect me.
I'm not very good at being grown up.
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| I should have known it wouldn't last forever.
That things may get better.
That life will surprise you.
I should have known.
I should have known you were a liar.
That you weren't worth it.
But that everything was worth it.
I should have known.
I should have known that people change.
That friends go away.
That people beat you at your own game.
I should have known.
I should have known I didn't know what I wanted.
That I shouldn't have wasted the time.
That sometimes what you want are the simpilist things.
I should have known.
I should have known not to make things so hard.
Not to have ran away so far.
Not to hide from what I didn't want.
I should have known.
I should have known that I would change.
That I would question who I was.
That I would question what I know.
I should have known.
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I just want to have some fun.
I wanna dance in the sun.
Have a hot cabana boy smother me in banana boat.
I just wanna see the world.
To stand in front of the David with an open mouth.
To quiver in fear as I clime up the Eiffel Tower.
I just wanna hold a baby
To give em kisses and hugs
To tickle them when they smile
I just wanna get real drunk
So drunk everything is funny
And I wanna kiss everyone in the room.
I just wanna be on stage
I want everyone to laugh and clap
I wanna mess up my lines and it be okay
I just wanna laugh really loud
So loud people glare.
And I mess up my hair.
I just wanna have some fun
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